Your brand new school uniform hangs on your wardrobe door, ready for the morning.
Slightly too big, because we mums always make sure there’s growing room.
You were so excited when we bought it, telling the lady in the shop you were off to Big School.
Your school shoes are shiny and new. Perfect for your first day. Although I’m sure they’ll soon be scuffed and covered in dirt.
You have a new lunch box, water bottle and assorted snack pots, a name sticker proudly placed on each one.
You’re excited to see your preschool friends after six weeks apart over the summer. Excited to meet more friends too. But sad about the friends who are heading off to different schools, that you won’t see any more.
You’re excited about seeing your big sister at play time and lunch time.
You’re excited that a week after starting school you’ll be celebrating your 5th birthday. You can’t wait to invite all your new class mates to your party, having seen your sister attend party after party over the last two years.
You’re excited to show your new teacher – who used to teach your big sister – that you’ve already lost a baby tooth and had your first visit from the Tooth Fairy.
You’re so excited.
If you’re nervous, you’re not showing it.
And I’m excited for you as you head off on this big adventure, taking your first steps into independence.
But I’m also emotional.
Emotional that there will be no more pre-school gymnastics.
Emotional that there will be no more mornings at soft play or the park, running around with your Toddler brother and your little friends.
Emotional that I’ll be taking just one child to the mum and toddler groups that once upon a time I used to take the three of you to.
Emotional that some of my mummy friends will no longer be on the preschool scene now that all their children are at school.
Emotional that I won’t get to see you between the hours of 9am and 3.15pm during term time, ever again.
I felt the same when your big sister started school two years ago.
I felt the same when you started pre-school – and that was only for two and a half hours a day.
I’m just one of those emotional mummies and as grateful as I am that you are following life’s natural progression and are able to go to school, I find it hard how quickly it all goes and will miss your company so much.
I know your little brother will miss you in the same way that you missed your sister when she started reception. I remember how sad you were without your little buddy. “Mummy, will you come and play with me?” you’d say, a lost look in those big brown eyes.
With an early September birthday, I feel grateful to have had an extra year with you. Some of your friends are pretty much a whole year younger than you and seem so small to be starting school.
I know you’re more than ready for school.
So I hold back my tears when you talk about it.
And I’ll hold back my tears when I take you on your first day.
I’ll hide behind my sunglasses, even if it’s raining.
Until you’re safe inside that door.
And then I know the tears will flow and flow. Just like they did two years ago.
But I will be there with the biggest smile on my face when I come to pick you up at home time.
Thank you for four years, 11 months and three weeks of pre-school years, my lovely boy.
There have been challenging times; I won’t lie.
But there have been so many wonderful times, so many amazing memories and experiences. I’ve tried my best to prepare you for school, helping you to be a kind, caring, confident little person.
But now you must go and have your own wonderful times without me holding your hand.
Tonight, I kissed you good night as a pre-schooler.
But tomorrow, I will kiss you good morning as a fully-fledged school boy.
Good luck my lovely boy.
Your journey to full-time education begins right here.
And I am so proud of you.
With so much love,
You might also like these posts on starting school: