The Coronavirus Diaries – #2 feeling overwhelmed and emotional ups and downs

I’m going to be honest in the hope that anyone else finding it all a little overwhelming right now will feel less alone…

Today has not been a good day.

I have had a lot of emotional wobbles. And more than a few tears.

It’s been stressful waiting for the government announcement on help for self-employed people… the majority of my paid work has disappeared yet I need to keep working, writing and posting updates on my social media channels, because long term I can’t afford for my little business to disappear. Alongside working I’m trying to provide my children with some kind of home education, juggling three different sets of work despite not really knowing what I’m doing.

I had hoped I would feel better with the announcement but there are still a lot of unanswered questions for me and five million others.

I’ve also had confirmation that the MRI I have been waiting a while for and which was scheduled for next Monday has been cancelled. It’s completely understandable and expected but my leg is still so painful and five months on I’m no closer to getting any answers. I could really do with going for a run right now but I can’t.

We also had to cancel our upcoming May holiday to Disneyland Paris today, which has made me really sad for my children. It would have been a first Disney trip for all of us and we’d been saving the pennies for the trip of a lifetime. They took it really well, in fairness. We’ll spend the week watching Disney movies instead! First world problems, I know, but it’s just a huge reminder that this unprecedented situation isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Cabin fever is also getting the better of us; I’m noticing it in my children’s behaviour and emotions (not to mention mine too!) and am doing my best to help them navigate these unprecedented times. But it’s hard. At 10, 8 and 6 they are old enough to understand the situation but it’s tough for such energetic youngsters to be ‘contained’ and not to see their friends. I’ve noticed more fighting than usual between them… but then they have these amazing moments of playing together and helping each other that makes my heart burst.

Focussing on these positives is really helping me now. Watching my children chatting to their besties on Zoom, and seeing how excited they are to see each other, is so precious. Hearing my six year recite his 3 times table made me so proud. Family time reading books or watching films together is lovely.

So far we, and our nearest and dearest, remain healthy and symptom-free, which I am very thankful for.

And stepping outside at 8pm this evening to clap for our NHS heroes was truly emotional. Living close to University Hospital Wales and having so many friends working on the frontline, and hearing so many of their experiences, it felt like the least we could do to honour such incredible people. What they are dealing with and the decisions they are having to make… I can’t even imagine.

A reminder of just why we are all indoors, supporting them in their vital work. And no matter how hard it is navigating this ‘new normal’ it is so much better than the alternative of more people becoming ill, more people dying and more strain on the NHS.

I’ve taken a deep breath, and am remembering tomorrow is another day and one day closer to coming through the other side.

How are things with you?