Is it okay to sleep naked when you are a parent?

Family life

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These are my pyjamas. I have various pairs that look something like this and I love them. They are so warm and cosy, especially now winter is setting in. For the summer, I have pyjama shorts and vest tops. I have two silk negligees somewhere in the depths of my wardrobe but with three children under five, I couldn’t tell you the last time I wore them. And they always annoy me by riding up to my waist in the night, anyway.

I presumed this was the kind of attire all my mum friends wore to bed. So you can imagine my shock when two friends recently admitted they and their husbands sleep naked. Now, I’m no prude. Pre-children, of course there were nights I wore nothing to bed.

These days, my children regularly see me in the shower and using the bathroom. I want them to know what normal human bodies look like, rather than the airbrushed versions you see in magazines. I know everyone has different opinions on what level of nudity is appropriate in a family. I know people who won’t let their toddler children see them in the shower, and other friends who were still happy to walk around naked in front of their parents and siblings in their teenage years. Both of those are too extreme, if you ask me.

I love my children’s inhibitions and total ease and acceptance of their bodies but I figure there will come a time when they naturally start asking for more privacy and when it does, I’ll respect that and practice appropriate boundaries.

And for me, that includes not sleeping in the nude when my children are in the house.

Some of the mums I know who sleep nude have children close to secondary school age. They didn’t quite know how to answer my question about what they do if their child comes into their room in the middle of the night because they feel sick or have had a nightmare. You might have a knock-before-entering rule in your house, which you think will give you time to cover up, but etiquette goes out the window when children are ill or scared.

Some of my friends are completely fine with nudity in the family. ‘I’m a bit of a naturist at heart,’ says one mum friend. ‘If my son (currently a baby) is fine walking in on me in the bathroom when he’s 12 then that’s fine with me.’

And I think that’s a key point. Just because you are happy with your child seeing you sleeping nude, it doesn’t necessarily mean your child feels the same, especially as they get older. A couple of my girlfriends tell me they are still traumatised after bumping into naked parents in the night when they were teenagers.

Regardless of your preferred bedtime attire, and your stance on nudity within a family,  surely children need to understand that it’s etiquette to put on nightwear if you have guests or are staying at someone else’s house?

My friend Liz, a mum of two, was mortified when she bumped into her brother – a married father of two who always sleeps naked – in the middle of the night while staying at his house recently. Both she and her brother had come out of their bedrooms at the same time after hearing a child’s cry and being unsure as to who it was. “He covered his bits and ran into my niece’s room,” she says.

“Don’t get me wrong,” she continues. “I have no problem with my kids seeing me naked in the shower and I have no privacy in the toilet, but I wouldn’t want them to necessarily know I’m in bed in the buff!”

Another friend, mum of two Becky, tells me she has another simple reason why she no longer sleeps naked. “In my old age,” she says (she’s in her mid-30s), “I feel the cold too much!”

What about you? What do you wear to bed? Do you think you should cover up at night if you have children or guests staying? I’d love to know your thoughts.

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52 Comments to Is it okay to sleep naked when you are a parent?

  1. I wear a tshirt or a vest top, pj bottoms too if its chilly! I’ve got no probs with my son seeing me naked (lost count of how many times hes whipped the shower curtain back!!) but I just feel more comfortable with pjs on. Especially as he shouts boobies if he does see me with no clothes on!! If we had guests staying over I wouldn’t even dream of sleeping naked, hell I’d be going to the bathroom in a dressing gown if I knew someone else could potentially see my rather unglamorous nightwear!! x

  2. i hate being cold in bed so I have never, ever slept naked! Even after an evening of passion (prior to babies of course!) I would be in my pj’s asap! I’m such a romantic! Like others though I am happy to let my son (and daughter when she’s older) see me in the shower, mainly because I don’t have much choice. Not sure when we will stop that but certainly not for a while. There’s definitely some grey areas around modesty/decency and confidence in our bodies.

  3. i hate being cold in bed so I have never, ever slept naked! Even after an evening of passion (prior to babies of course!) I would be in my pj’s asap! I’m such a romantic! Like others though I am happy to let my son (and daughter when she’s older) see me in the shower, mainly because I don’t have much choice. Not sure when we will stop that but certainly not for a while. There’s definitely some grey areas around modesty/decency and confidence in our bodies.

  4. I normally love all your articles and blogs, Cathryn, but I’m struggling to remain even-tempered when reading this one. There’s way too much conflation going on around nudity for my liking. Bumping into someone else’s adult relative in the hallway has no place in an article about nudity in front of your children. That is something completely different! I may be being sensitive here, but there reads a ‘lumping together’ of nudity, which i find distasteful. As you might have guessed, I have no problem whatsoever with nudity in front of my children. Why would I? This body carried them and fed them for years. And I definitely don’t want them growing up with any body insecurities. I wouldn’t be comfortable being naked in front of anyone else, but reading your article makes me faintly embarrassed about being one of those nude types.

    • I’m so sorry it made you angry – I really appreciate your comments and thoughts. I had a really creepy comment earlier which made me feel uncomfortable so I changed and edited some of the wording, probably after you posted this comment, looking at the time it came through. I take your point about the lumping together of nudity. I feel that as much as I am happy currently to be naked in front of my children, I want them to understand appropriate behaviour when others are around. I also feel that while some parents are happy with nudity in their house, some older children may not be! I hope that makes sense, I certainly don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable about their choices.

  5. I normally love all your articles and blogs, Cathryn, but I’m struggling to remain even-tempered when reading this one. There’s way too much conflation going on around nudity for my liking. Bumping into someone else’s adult relative in the hallway has no place in an article about nudity in front of your children. That is something completely different! I may be being sensitive here, but there reads a ‘lumping together’ of nudity, which i find distasteful. As you might have guessed, I have no problem whatsoever with nudity in front of my children. Why would I? This body carried them and fed them for years. And I definitely don’t want them growing up with any body insecurities. I wouldn’t be comfortable being naked in front of anyone else, but reading your article makes me faintly embarrassed about being one of those nude types.

    • I’m so sorry it made you angry – I really appreciate your comments and thoughts. I had a really creepy comment earlier which made me feel uncomfortable so I changed and edited some of the wording, probably after you posted this comment, looking at the time it came through. I take your point about the lumping together of nudity. I feel that as much as I am happy currently to be naked in front of my children, I want them to understand appropriate behaviour when others are around. I also feel that while some parents are happy with nudity in their house, some older children may not be! I hope that makes sense, I certainly don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable about their choices.

  6. I see no issue with sleeping naked. I may be more careful when there are guests around or I know the children are around but my wife and I sleep in our bed, not the kids (we’ve never had the kids in bed with us at night, not once). I certainly try to avoid bumping into the kids when I have no clothes on but it is inevitable from time to time in a domestic situation. #MMWBH

    • This one has certainly provoked a lot of discussion! Glad to hear you are careful when there are people around. I have had a lot of people recounting stories where others weren’t so careful!

  7. My husband and I always sleep naked. My eldest son is 14 and hasn’t woken us in the night for years but if he needed us he’d wake us by knocking on the door and I’d put my dressing gown on.
    The girls (9 and 7) just come in if they need us in the night, which is very rare anyway. Ant wouldn’t let them see him naked now they’re older (he can’t sleep uncovered so that’s never an issue) but I have no problem with them seeing me.
    If we have guests I still sleep naked but wouldn’t leave my room without covering up. I can’t imagine any adult guests coming into my room without knocking anyway so if they knocked I’d put something on.

  8. My husband and I always sleep naked. My eldest son is 14 and hasn’t woken us in the night for years but if he needed us he’d wake us by knocking on the door and I’d put my dressing gown on.
    The girls (9 and 7) just come in if they need us in the night, which is very rare anyway. Ant wouldn’t let them see him naked now they’re older (he can’t sleep uncovered so that’s never an issue) but I have no problem with them seeing me.
    If we have guests I still sleep naked but wouldn’t leave my room without covering up. I can’t imagine any adult guests coming into my room without knocking anyway so if they knocked I’d put something on.

  9. joyejariajoyfuljoyous

    i think it just depends on the age of the child. My oldest is 5 and I feel comfortable naked in Front of her but I as she gets older and with more questions il stop. I sleep with a t shirt or vest on but my husband no matter who is in the house with us prefers sleeping naked. This annoys me but I guess that’s what makes him feel comfortable.

  10. joyejariajoyfuljoyous

    i think it just depends on the age of the child. My oldest is 5 and I feel comfortable naked in Front of her but I as she gets older and with more questions il stop. I sleep with a t shirt or vest on but my husband no matter who is in the house with us prefers sleeping naked. This annoys me but I guess that’s what makes him feel comfortable.

  11. neither me or hubby sleep totally naked but both of us just wear boxers/knickers. 9/10
    Nights our 3yo and 2yo (who only recently stopped breastfeeding) end up in with us and no one cares. It’s like having that important skin to skin as newborns. They’re usually in the room
    Whilst we are getting dressed so see us naked, and I can’t remember the last time
    I
    Managed a bath or shower without a little person (both boys) coming in for a chat. We are all really
    Open about body and nudity in this house.

    • Yes, the skin on skin is lovely when they are little. Like you, we are confortable being naked in front of our children, all under 5. But I do think there will come a point when that will change.

  12. An interesting post. I rarely sleep naked – generally get too cold although hubby does and always has done. I’m not especially comfortable with hubby being naked around our girls (age 3 and 1) although I appreciate that’s mostly my own personal hang-up and I’ve not generally been bothered by it if our 3 year old creeps into our bed at night although I definitely would prefer him to at least have some underwear on at those times. I don’t think hubby even owns a pair of pyjamas but he is from a family who all sleep nude and I have encountered my in-laws naked a few times when staying over (which did make me quite uncomfortable). Generally hubby will put on a dressing gown if getting up for the children in the night as he knows I am happier with that.

    • It’s interesting you both have different perspectives on it. I get too cold in the night too! I would be mortified to bump into my inlaws with no clothes on – or to be honest, to bump into anyone totally naked. This has been such an interesting discussion!

  13. An interesting post. I rarely sleep naked – generally get too cold although hubby does and always has done. I’m not especially comfortable with hubby being naked around our girls (age 3 and 1) although I appreciate that’s mostly my own personal hang-up and I’ve not generally been bothered by it if our 3 year old creeps into our bed at night although I definitely would prefer him to at least have some underwear on at those times. I don’t think hubby even owns a pair of pyjamas but he is from a family who all sleep nude and I have encountered my in-laws naked a few times when staying over (which did make me quite uncomfortable). Generally hubby will put on a dressing gown if getting up for the children in the night as he knows I am happier with that.

    • It’s interesting you both have different perspectives on it. I get too cold in the night too! I would be mortified to bump into my inlaws with no clothes on – or to be honest, to bump into anyone totally naked. This has been such an interesting discussion!

  14. I hadn’t realised that sleeping naked was an issue. My parents always used to sleep naked but get dressed to leave their bedroom. I think the fact I have few self-esteem issues about my body comes from seeing my mum naked growing up and her being so comfortable in her own skin. Both Hubs and I sleep naked, whether we have guests or not, but cover up if we get up in the night. My daughters (age nearly 8 and nearly 2) see me naked all the time, and Hubs rarely. I hope to encourage them to feel confident about their bodies from seeing me naked, in the same way my mum gave me my body confidence all those years ago. I really feel the cold but Hubs keeps me warm – I always wear pyjamas if I’m not sharing a bed with him. (We never share our bed with our kids.) Very interesting post, total eye-opener for me.

  15. I hadn’t realised that sleeping naked was an issue. My parents always used to sleep naked but get dressed to leave their bedroom. I think the fact I have few self-esteem issues about my body comes from seeing my mum naked growing up and her being so comfortable in her own skin. Both Hubs and I sleep naked, whether we have guests or not, but cover up if we get up in the night. My daughters (age nearly 8 and nearly 2) see me naked all the time, and Hubs rarely. I hope to encourage them to feel confident about their bodies from seeing me naked, in the same way my mum gave me my body confidence all those years ago. I really feel the cold but Hubs keeps me warm – I always wear pyjamas if I’m not sharing a bed with him. (We never share our bed with our kids.) Very interesting post, total eye-opener for me.

  16. My husband and I sleep naked. We have 6 children. If the youngest wakes in the night I throw on a dressing gown but this is more to keep warm than cover up. I also go to him naked. If you are not ashamed of your body or others then why put on clothes? Don’t make it sexual. In fact sleeping naked is warmer and more comfortable without the restriction or wrinkles of clothing. When we wake we either get straight in the shower or put on clothes if it is the weekend. Try sleeping naked. You won’t go back to wearing pjs.

  17. Hiya! Interesting post. And interesting comment from Cathryn about all nudity being lumped in together. I’m a total nudie. I walk around the house nude all the time (well, when warm enough!) and sometimes sleep nude. I would have no problem and HAVE no problem clutching my children to my naked breast and actually i still like skin on skin cuddles with them. However, they are 4 and 1! I think it will be a very different story when they are old enough to feel self conscious about their own bodies….and i’ve no idea how early that starts. 5, 6, 7, 8….whenever. And when it does then i won’t hide my body to get undressed or shower etc but I won’t ever put them in a position which makes them feel awkward. I don’t know how they will be about it because my husband ISN’T a nudie. So they might be too. I guess it’s something you have to use your instincts for? I would hope not to inflict my selfish wish to be naked onto my teenage children if it made them uncomfortable. As it is, I STILL see my parents naked now and have no problem with it and they are in their 60s. Ok i don’t REGULARLY see them naked (!), but what i mean is, if i happened to see either of them in the nod, i wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Hmmm i think i had a point in here somewhere…. 😉

    • I think that’s the point about respecting whether it makes your children feel uncomfortable or not. Interesting that you and your other half have different perspectives. I don’t know at what age things with children… I guess instinct and their reactions will make it clear!

    • How your children view nudity and themselves is also shaped by your attitudes to it. My children are 5, 13, 15, 17, 18 and 20. I wouldn’t ever walk around naked in front of the older children because I know they would feel uncomfortable. Te youngest is still fine with it but thankfully none of them have any hangups about nakedness or their bodies. Yes you need to be child led like in all things. But we as parents shape them. Openness truth and honesty. And sleeping naked is better for your skin too. I hope my kids choose to do it. So far none have but there’s time.

      • I think you’re right that it’s about respecting what your children are comfortable with and being led by them. It’s great they are all so body confident and like you say, plenty of time for naked sleeping as they get older!!

  18. I sleep, and wander, naked. I’d do it outside if it was legal. Dd is now 14 and used to me. I don’t tend to be outside of my own room naked very much, so she can avoid seeing me naked most of the time if she wants too. Hubby wears pjs because she’s a girl and he feels it’s inappropriate. Maybe if I had a son I’d cover up too once they reached puberty. I do own a onesie, and a sexy black nighty, I wear something when I stay away from home.

  19. I sleep, and wander, naked. I’d do it outside if it was legal. Dd is now 14 and used to me. I don’t tend to be outside of my own room naked very much, so she can avoid seeing me naked most of the time if she wants too. Hubby wears pjs because she’s a girl and he feels it’s inappropriate. Maybe if I had a son I’d cover up too once they reached puberty. I do own a onesie, and a sexy black nighty, I wear something when I stay away from home.

  20. Malcolm Boura

    Two very good reasons for nudity.

    One is the body-image issues referred to in other comments. Now that the reputable broadcasters and publishers are not allowed to show what people really look like, and the Internet is so heavily censored, for many young people that leaves only parents and the distorted images of the pornography and glamour industries. The harm being done by prudery is immense.

    The other is the recent research showing that relationships are a lot more durable if couples sleep nude. I wasn’t surprised to read that given how important physical contact is amongst mammals in general for promoting bonding.

  21. Malcolm Boura

    Two very good reasons for nudity.

    One is the body-image issues referred to in other comments. Now that the reputable broadcasters and publishers are not allowed to show what people really look like, and the Internet is so heavily censored, for many young people that leaves only parents and the distorted images of the pornography and glamour industries. The harm being done by prudery is immense.

    The other is the recent research showing that relationships are a lot more durable if couples sleep nude. I wasn’t surprised to read that given how important physical contact is amongst mammals in general for promoting bonding.

  22. I sleep naked, but my wife does not and probably never will, I think she thinks I will try to have sex with her, she is very conservative.

  23. I sleep naked, but my wife does not and probably never will, I think she thinks I will try to have sex with her, she is very conservative.

  24. Came a bit late to this, but better late than never.

    Adrian and I came to married life as committed nude sleepers, accustomed to wandering the private parts of the house in our birthday suits and not owning a stitch of conventional night attire between us. With this background, in my case dating back to the 1976 heat-wave when, as a sweltering 6-year-old, I was encouraged to discard my PJs (in the unfulfilled parental expectation that I would wear them again once the hot weather passed), reverting to wearing nightclothes when children came along didn’t bear even cursory consideration.

    So, right from the start, our children became accustomed to us responding to their nocturnal calls in our birthday suits and, once they became sufficiently mobile, of finding us similarly clad in bed when they paid us our early-morning visits. Once they each had a grasp of when/where/why people wore – or didn’t wear – clothes, we explained that lots of people, including Mummy and Daddy, prefer to go to bed with nothing on, and that they might like to follow our example, although there would always be PJs or nighties available if they wanted them. Perhaps inevitably, the unanimous choice was birthday suits; they have now all left home and we’re still waiting to be asked to buy nightclothes!

    • Cardiff Mummy Says

      What a great story! It’s lovely it’s worked for you, and that your children have embraced something that’s important to you. I’m still sticking to my pyjamas for the meantime though!

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